


Adversity

by Angelise (angelise7)



Category: due South
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Early Work, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-24
Updated: 2014-12-24
Packaged: 2018-03-03 07:08:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,020
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2842394
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/angelise7/pseuds/Angelise
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I cannot leave him, cannot have him wake to the face of a stranger. Here I’ll stay, beside my mate, whispering the words he needs to hear, reminding him of the future he will share with me and Dief.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**_I can still hear his voice._ **

I can still hear the uncertainty hidden beneath the humor of his words.  

“You sure you want to tell ‘em **here** , Frase? This _is_ the police firing range and these guys **will** have guns.”  

Ray still has his doubts about sharing the knowledge of our relationship with others. I, on the other hand, do not. I want the whole world to know I am in love with and loved by Stanley Ray Kowalski. 

An explosive round of shooting commences and I am forced to move closer to Ray so that he might hear my words. “These men are your friends, Ray. They care for you, and I believe they will be genuinely happy to hear the news of our upcoming nuptials.” 

Ray touches my hand, the one tightly holding my hat in its grip. His thumb brushes across my wrist and I almost lose my breath. My lover is still reticent about showing his affection in public for he fears that others will not understand our love – that they will condemn us for loving each other and, therefore, turn their wrath upon us and cause us physical harm. His fear is not for himself. My Ray is very brave and willing to face any danger that threatens our relationship. His fear is for me, for the physical damage that could be done to my person if the news of our love was made public.  

I understand Ray’s hesitancy. I am not so naïve that I do not realize this world is still prejudiced against same sex-relationships – that homophobia is still very much alive and well in the United States of America. I also know that our life together will not be a bed of roses – we will, without a doubt, come in contact with many people who fear and hate us. 

But that is not the issue for today. Today we are sharing the news of our upcoming marriage with trusted friends, with those who have accepted the love we have for each other. When I stand before the minister and promise to share my heart and soul with Ray, I want not only our families but also all of our friends – all of Ray’s friends – to be there as witnesses to our special moment. 

Ray’s expressive eyes are hidden by his dark sunshades and I carefully remove them. Shifting my hat to the hand that now holds my lover’s glasses, I grasp the fingers that are teasing the inside of my palm and lift them to my lips. “I love you, Ray. These men also love you. Please let me share our news with them.”

“Ahh, Frase. Ya know I can’t resist that puppy dog look of yours.” 

His eyes still tinged with worry, Ray emulates my touch, his lips whispering words of love against my finger, the one that wears his ring. My knees threaten to buckle but Ray grips my belt and holds me upright. Offering me a wicked smile, he reclaims his sunglassess and puts them back on. 

“If they try and throw us a bachelor party, I ain’t going. Don’t want no naked hookers fawning all over me.”

I slip my hat on and move in the direction of our friends. “And just  _why_ do you believe they will be fawning over you? Remember,  **I** would also be present.”

Ray surprises me by grabbing my ass and squeezing it. “Nobody but me fawns over you, Frase. You hear me?”

“Loud and clear, Ray.” I look over my shoulder and waggle my eyebrows at him. “Maybe you could demonstrate that particular skill tonight after supper? Show me how to properly fawn over someone?” Dief races by us, and my gaze follows him as he investigates the bushes lining the path that leads to the firing range. 

“T’would be my pleasure. In fact, I think I’ll… Fraser?”

**_I can still hear his voice._ **

I can still hear the questioning note of surprise, of disbelief as he called out to me right before he hit the ground. 

A freak accident, they said. 

A cadet dropped his gun and it fired straight into the air. Gravity returned the bullet to earth and it struck my beautiful Ray in the head. 

He’s lucky to be alive, the doctors informed me. Lucky to have survived the eight-hour surgery to remove the bullet – even luckier, to survive the next 72 hours.

He’ll be okay, friends assured me. Too stubborn to die, they joked. 

Voices. So many voices, so many words. 

None are Ray’s. None belong to the man I love, to the man lying motionless in the hospital bed, his eyes closed, his skin nearly translucent. 

I cautiously touch the gauze bandage that covers his head, briefly mourning the loss of his silky soft spikes of blond hair. My fingers trace the curve of his cheek, lightly skimming the abrasion acquired when he fell. I brush my thumb across his silent lips, skirting around the tube that drags his mouth down into a frown. My hand trembles as it maps his thin chest, its continual movement assured by the ventilator sitting behind me.  

Ray’s hand looks so small, so alone resting beside him on the bed. I gather it in mine and warm it with the heat of my breath, my lips worshipping the simple friendship band that adorns his fourth finger – a band that, God willing, will be replaced with one that will tell the whole world that Ray belongs to me for all time. 

I try to speak to Ray, to assure him of my presence but at this very moment my own voice is held hostage, my fear of losing Ray strangling every thought, every word. I simply hover over my beloved, afraid to move, to breathe, to blink my eyes – afraid I’ll lose touch with, lose sight of the man who has become my very reason for living. 

My sweet, beautiful Ray. Please open your eyes. Please release me from this terror that grips my heart.   

I lay my head on his chest, his hand still gripped tightly in mine. The strong beat of his heart comforts me, gives me courage, strengthens me when all I want to do is fall to my knees and weep at fate’s cruelty. Ray and I have endured more than our share of grief and heartache. To have our moment of happiness threatened by the specter of death is almost more than I can endure, and I finally close my eyes in exhaustion, lulled to sleep by the constant beat of a love that refuses to die. 

 

**_I can still hear his voice._ **

I can still hear the most beautiful sound in the world – the faint whisper of my name as Ray wakens. 

It has been three days, three long, nightmare-filled days of silence and almost every moment has been spent at Ray’s bedside. I cannot leave him, cannot have him wake to the face of a stranger. Here I’ll stay, beside my mate, whispering the words he needs to hear, reminding him of the future he will share with me and Dief.

No one touches Ray without my permission. Not the doctors, not the nurses, not friends or family. They look to me first and, with a nod of my head, I grant them the right to touch the fragile angel that is bound to this earth by the strength of my love. I am jealous of every hand that lingers upon his, for I want it to be my hand, my touch that wakens my sleeping prince.

The rumble of thunder greets the third night of my faithful vigil and I grip Ray’s hand as I reach to turn on a light. My fingers have barely made contact with the switch when the sound of my name shatters the silence.  

“Frase?”

Even though the breathing tube was removed yesterday morning, his voice is raspy, hoarse. He struggles to speak, and I capture his words with the gentlest of kisses. 

“Ray. Welcome back, my dear sweet Ray.” 

His hand trembles as he lifts it off the bed in search of mine. I claim it, hold it against my heart as I feast upon the sight of his clear blue eyes. 

“Frase? Wha… what happened?”

I move closer to the bed and slip my arm beneath his shoulders. Offering him a single ice chip, I hold him close as I explain the tragic accident that brought us to this moment. A wry smile briefly touches his lips.

“Tol… told you it wasss… wasn’t a smart idea to go there….”

Tears prick my eyes as guilt stabs deep into my heart once again. “You were right as usual, Ray. I stand corrected.”

Ray clumsily pats my cheek. “Besss… best you remember that.”

Minutes tick by as we reaffirm our connection with slow, tender kisses, kisses that do no more than warm our hearts and dispel our fears. 

“Frase?” Ray turns his head and nuzzles my neck. “Why’s it… why’s it so dark in here? Did… did somebody forget to pay the electric bill?

With my gaze fixed firmly on his face, I flip on the overhead light. “I take it you are anxious to check out the pretty nurses that have been taking care of you?”

Ray’s lopsided grin nearly melts me. “Actually, I heard there was a real sexy Mountie hangin’ out in my room. Thought… thought I’d check him out instead.” 

My lover’s smile is infectious, and I can’t help but welcome it with one of my own. “A sexy Mountie, huh? I wonder if it is someone I know.”

An affectionate slap misses my cheek and lands on my nose. “Turn on the lights, Frase, and we’ll find out.”

My heart shudders to a complete halt.

“Ray, the lights are on.”

 

End of part one

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I turn and hide my face in the soft wool of Fraser’s sweater, unwilling to let him see my fear. I’m the tough cop, the street-smart kid, the tough partner of this duet – I can’t let Fraser see me weak with fear. I just can’t.

**_I can still hear his voice._ **

I can still hear the doctor’s voice – the detached voice that spouted the cold medical terms that basically destroyed my world.

I am blind.

“Temporary,” Fraser whispers in my ear as he holds me in his arms, his embrace desperately trying to shelter me from the devastating news. “It is temporary, Ray.”

He throws out that word as if it’s a lifeline for me to hang on to. Who does he think he’s kidding?

“I’m  **god** **damn** fucking blind,” I yell at him as I struggle off the bed and fumble my way around the hospital room. My outstretched hand discovers a window, and I slam my fists against the cold glass.

Fraser follows after me and circles my shoulders with his arm so that he can pull me close. “Your loss of sight is temporary, Ray. The specialist has explained how the trauma inflicted upon your brain by not only the bullet but also by the lengthy surgery has caused this temporary blindness. She said there is greater than a ninety percent chance that your sight will return once the healing process is complete.”

“It’s that ten percent that scares the hell out of me.” I turn and hide my face in the soft wool of Fraser’s sweater, unwilling to let him see my fear. I’m the tough cop, the street-smart kid, the tough partner of this duet – I can’t let Fraser see me weak with fear. I just can’t.

Fraser’s fingers curve around my neck and gently tug on the strands of hair that have escaped the bandage on my head. I can feel him pressing kisses to my cheek and that small gesture brings tears to my eyes.

My fucking  **blind** eyes.

“Damn it, Frase!” The anger is back and I shove him away. I want so bad to lash out at someone – to lash out with more than just words. I have this need to hurt someone – to make them feel the same fucking pain that I am. 

But I can’t do that to Fraser – not to the man I love with all of my heart.

My foot catches on a chair as I try to escape the emotions clawing at me, and I fall hard to my knees. Before I can even take a breath to call out his name, Fraser’s there beside me, cradling my head against his chest.

“It’s going to be okay, my love,” he softly assures me. “We’ll get through this together. I’ll help you.”

“You’re not gonna leave me, are ya?” The thought of losing Fraser nearly strangles my breath, and I cling to him in panic, like a frightened child. 

Damn, I hate acting like such a baby but if things don’t heal right and I’m forced to live in this world of darkness for the rest of my life, I don’t think I could handle it without Fraser by my side. I need him. Need him more than I’ve ever needed anyone in my life, even Stella. Fraser’s my air – I breathe his love in and suddenly the world ain’t such a bad place.

I grip his face and, with my fingers, search for the truth in his features. “You’ll stick with me, right? Let me rent Dief as my guide dog?  I mean, I know you probably want to postpone our commitment ceremony. Who wants to walk down the aisle dragging a blind man along behind him? Hell, I wouldn’t blame you one bit if you wanted to call the whole thing off. But, Frase, if you’d just agree to stay until I can see again then I’d….”

Fraser captures my runaway mouth and halts my nervous babbling with the sweetest kiss he’s ever given me. The minute he releases my mouth, I take a deep breath, ready to quiz him all over again. My words stall when he flicks his tongue over my bottom lip and quietly instructs, “Hush, Ray. I’m not leaving you. Not now, not ever. We’re in this together. For better or for worse, remember?”

I tuck my head beneath Fraser’s chin and refuse to answer. 

I remember. 

I just wonder if Fraser will, if I don’t get my sight back.

 

**_I can still hear his voice._ **

I can still hear Fraser as he patiently corrects Dief for the hundredth time about leaving his toys on the floor. Today it was Dief’s stuffed Barney that sent me flying through the air. You’d think after two weeks I’d get the hang of stumbling around in the dark. 

It’s so fucking dark.

Do you know what it’s like to wake up every morning to complete and utter blackness? To not know if it’s day or night, waiting for your brain to kick into gear and remind you what time it is. It’s like a nightmare that won’t let you go. No matter how hard I try, I can’t get my eyes open and when I do get ‘em open, the nightmare’s still there.

I’m still blind.

Fraser’s been my salvation these past two weeks. Stuck with me no matter how many times I snarl at him or scream at him or whine at him while crying like a pathetic idiot. He’s my rock – not just ‘cause he anchors me to the reality of my handicap but ‘cause he can withstand all the shit I throw at him. 

God, I love Fraser. 

He’s the real thing, for me at least. His love rescued my sorry ass when Stella dumped me. He provided me with a shoulder to lean on and a heart that understood and cared. And after a while and, with a little encouragement on my part, Fraser agreed to give me a chance – a chance to show him how fucking fantastic it is to be loved by a man. In that moment, the one where we shared our first kiss, Fraser became more than a friend. He became my true partner – in life and love. 

No one will ever be able to convince me that there isn’t such a thing as divine intervention. God brought us together – of that, I’m absolutely convinced – and, even though I’m not a man who prays, I’m down on my knees every night now, thanking the Guy in Charge for bringing this strange and wonderful Mountie into my life. 

Fraser’s a blessing I’ll always be grateful for, more so now than ever before.

**_I can still hear his voice._ **

I can still hear the beautiful sounds of his passion as I finish undressing him, my fingers exploring every inch of his nakedness. Kneeling before him, my hands cup the back of his thighs as I hungrily search for the proud aching shaft that I know is slapping against his belly. 

“Fuck me, Ray. Take me, make me yours,” Fraser pleads, his voice close to a growl. 

These moments when we make love, I can almost forget that I’m blind. I close my eyes and pretend the darkness is intentional – that we’ve turned out all the lights, forcing us to rely on our other senses. 

I touch my lips to the base of Fraser’s cock and feel his hiss of pleasure. It stirs the baby fine hair that covers my skull and sends a shiver down my spine. I give Fraser a slight push and he tumbles back on the bed. My mouth finds his left thigh and I mark it with my teeth. His reaction is immediate and I hungrily chase after the faint shudders that rack his body. My journey takes me to his flat belly and I find I’m unable to resist tasting the smears of pre-cum that linger on his skin. 

While I’m enjoying Fraser’s unique flavor, my trembling fingers follow the curve of his ass and discover his little secret. My lover is lubed and stretched, more than ready to accept me into his body. I lift his legs and rest them on my shoulders, pausing to playfully bite the corded muscles of his thighs. 

“Frase?” I find that I have to ask permission now that I’m blind. The visual clues are no longer available to me and, since I can’t see Fraser’s face, I don’t know if he is truly ready for me to fuck him.

“Yes, Ray. Please, oh yes, please.”

I slide my dick ever so slowly into Fraser’s ass. I want this ride to last as long as physically possible. Leaning forward, I press my hands to his chest, spreading my fingers, capturing his nipples between my thumb and index finger. It has always amazed me how sensitive Fraser’s nipples are – just licking them can make my Mountie howl at the moon.

Fraser groans out a protest when I come to a complete stop. 

“Ray. No, no. Don’t.”

I hold absolutely still, imprinting this moment in my mind. My memory supplies the images I can no longer see – I know Fraser is tossing his head from side to side and his tongue is tightly clenched between his teeth, its tip barely showing and begging to be sucked. His eyes are squeezed shut and his incredibly soft hair is plastered to his forehead. Beads of sweat have gathered on his upper lip and I know if I lap up the moisture with my tongue, Frase will lose complete control.

“RAAAAAY!”

I love the way he screams my name when he comes.

**_I can still hear his voice._ **

I can still hear Fraser’s voice, the strong assertive tone of his voice as he proclaims his love for me. His declaration echoes loudly through the silent interior of the church and is greeted with an enthusiastic round of applause. It is the day of our commitment ceremony and Fraser has just told the entire world that he will love me forever. 

Fraser holds me in his arms as he swoops down and steals my breath with a kiss that seals his lifetime promise. Another round of applause sprinkled with laughter hails our kiss and Fraser joins in as he happily requests our friends and family to join us at the reception. 

Even though this is the happiest day of my life, I’m so fucking relieved the ceremony is over. I know I stumbled through my vows but I couldn’t help it. My blindness jacked up my nervousness tenfold. I was so afraid of screwing up everything – of falling flat on my face as I walked up the aisle – of not being able to get the ring on Fraser’s finger. Or worse yet, forgetting the vows I had written months before the accident. God, I thought I was gonna have a heart attack I was so nervous. 

I still have this overwhelming urge to puke, mainly ‘cause the reality of what just happened has finally hit me smack in the face. 

I’m married. 

**MARRIED!**

Guess Fraser really meant it when he said ‘for better or for worse.’ 

And I sure as hell have given him a lot more worse than better these past couple of months. Yet, despite it all, Fraser still wanted me as his life-partner. Blind stupid me. 

I tried my best to convince him that marrying me would be a major mistake. Even went as far as to leave him, thinking it would make him realize what a fucking burden I had become. But that damn stubborn Mountie put Dief on my trail and I was back home within hours of walking out.

“Ray, if you ever leave me again, I’ll… I’ll… you don’t want to know what I’ll do to you if you ever pull another stunt like this.”

Fraser rarely gets mad but me leaving ticked him off royally. In fact, I’d bet my entire police retirement that there was steam coming out of his ears while he was lecturing me. 

“What do I have to do to  **make** you believe me,” Fraser had asked, his voice cracking on the last word. “I love you, Ray Kowalski and that love is unconditional. It  **doesn’t** matter to me that you can’t see. I didn’t fall in love with your eyes, Ray, as beautiful as they may be. I fell in love with you, with the gentle soul that hides behind that gruff exterior of yours.”

“Damn it, Ray! You’re everything to me. When I think about my future, about growing old, you’re right there with me. Please don’t leave me, Ray.”

All of a sudden I could hear the tears in Fraser’s voice and I felt like a first class heel for running out on him. I never wanted to hurt Fraser. Actually, I thought I was doing him a favor by leaving. Fraser sure let me know, in no uncertain terms, just how wrong I was, and the next morning when I woke up in his arms with Dief draped across my legs, I knew, without a doubt, how wise he really is.

“It’s time to take pictures, my husband.” Fraser takes my hand and we walk across the room to where the photographer is standing. He slips me a naughty kiss before taking his place beside me.

“On the count of three, everybody say….”

“Wait!” I turn to Fraser and straighten the miniature rose in his lapel. “Your flower is all crooked.”

Fraser’s jaw hits the floor which makes me chuckle as I tap him on the chin. “Close your mouth, Fraser. I doubt the photographer wants a picture of your tonsils.”

“Ray!” Fraser sweeps me up in his arms and twirls me around. “Ray, you can see!  **You** …  **can** …  **see** !”

**Shit** ! I  _can_ see.

Greatness!

A smile that reflects overwhelming happiness and true love fills my field of vision. It’s the most beautiful sight I’ve ever seen and one that I pray I will continue to see until the day I take my last breath. 

Gripping Fraser’s face with trembling hands, I stare into his tear-filled eyes. “Fraser?” My kiss steals his breath away and causes the tears to spill down his cheeks. “Do you know what this means?” 

A wide knowing grin takes up residence on my face as I rub noses with the man who owns my heart for all eternity. “No more sneaking mushrooms off my pizza, you Freak.”

 "Awww, Ray.”

  

Finis!

 

[You can find me on Tumblr!](http://angelise7.tumblr.com/)

**Author's Note:**

> The inspiration for this story came from a real-life accident that occurred in my hometown on July 4, 2001. A thoughtless person was firing a gun into the air in celebration of the holiday and a young boy was hit in the head by one of the falling bullets. He was not as lucky as our fictional character, Ray.


End file.
